by MOF GIMMERS
Hunkface dreamboat and fist flinging R&B simpleton Chris Brown is a proud man this week. Has he gone and got a diamond grill? Has one of his records got a good review in Rolling Stone magazine? Did he save a kitten from a burning house?
No. He has finally discovered that hitting Rihanna in the face isn’t a very nice thing to do. AND HE HAS A CERTIFICATE TO PROVE IT!
That’s right good people of the internet! You can now get a certificate which says in massive letters, probably in Comic Sans, ‘I Learneded Not To Smack A Woman In The Face When She Pisses Me Right Off!’ and Chris Brown has been proudly showing his off to the world like he’s a returning champion.
Brown went on Twitter to tell fan that he has now completed his domestic violence classes that were part of his sentence for assaulting his ex - Rihanna aka The Coolest Woman On Earth - and that he was proud of finishing them.
“I have enough self respect and decency to be proud of accomplishing this DV class.. Boyz run from there mistakes.. Men learn from them!!!thx”
He also has very pointy knuckles as well. Possibly. We made that up.
Brown of course, pleaded guilty last year to attacking Rihanna during an argument on the cusp of the Grammy Awards in 2009. He got slapped with five years of probation, community service and the year-long domestic violence course.
Homework may well have included listening to ‘(He Hit Me) It Felt Like A Kiss’ repeatedly and reading the words ‘You Are A Massive Dick’ over and over.
Last month, the LA judge overseeing Brown’s probation praised the singer on his progress, before adding that they really liked ‘Kiss Kiss’ as it made them tap their fingers and smile while they hummed along on car journeys.
So there you have it. Chris Brown has learned from his mistakes, but sadly for him, will forever be remembered as the bloke who punched Rihanna… who just happens to be much more famous and talented than him. And better looking.
Hurray for that then.