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He helps me financially but he's below my standard - what should I do?


Dear Mr. Propafix,
I really need your advice. I am 19 years old and I am involved with a 38 year old man. So far he has been treating me really nice and helps me with any financial difficulty. I attend a well known teachers college and I’m at my final year but at times I feel like I’m too good for him are he is below my standard. He does not know anything about Standard English, he is always very loud, he comes from the ghetto, he work has a bus driver and yes, he has a son who is 5 years old. Inspite of all those things I still find him to be a sweet individual and I just cannot leave him. We have been together for almost a year and there has been no problem it’s just smooth sail. But why am I having second thoughts, please help me out.

Dear AW,

From what I am reading, I don’t think it has nothing to do with he being really nice to you or the fact that he doesn’t know Standard English, I think you are more worried about going back to your poor financial status if you were to end the relationship.


None of what you mentioned above is a solid excuse for you to end the relationship. In the first place what was it that forced you to get involved with this man knowing that he has a child, he’s a bus driver and he’s from the ghetto. Maybe you were too busy focusing on what you can get. Now that you are in your final year and won’t be needing his help anymore you have decided that you are too good for him. If that is the case then why were you not too good for him when you needed help?

Young woman to be frank with you- you disgust me and there is no other way I can put it. I think that you are the worst type of character that society has to offer because you have used this man and are planning to leave his life in shambles. You are a user and a dishonest individual and I am sorry for the victim - the poor kindhearted man that has made so many sacrifices for you.

That is my advice young lady - tek it or leave it

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Comments (46)


Posted by porter | February 17, 2009 12:40 PM

she's damn disgusting fi true mi read it twice fi try si why want to leave but now mi realise di gal soon left college fucking woman like you mek man hang dem selve not me though

Posted by Biatch | February 17, 2009 12:49 PM

some man fi get use di girl young and have a bright future a head of her so do what you got to survive maa because mi and you know seh a nuff gal him used before him get old table turn pon him bl**dclaaat

Posted by CrysGoodas | February 17, 2009 12:58 PM

Now I aint sayin she a gold digga..but she aint messin wit no broke nigga.

lawd gawd...yuh seh di man sweet...noooo. yuh tink him money sweet. leff di man..yuh fi shame. man almost yuh fadda age...and him have likkle youth..we a di sameee age and yuh woulda neva catch mi bout mi a tek man money even if me and him deh.

Posted by junglist | February 17, 2009 1:08 PM

proppa fix should a tell di gal fi su*k har mother di gal di di man big time and he's from the ghetto look how many doctors and lawyers emerged from out of the sweet sweet ghetto can bet di likkle dutty gal just live below cross road

Mr. Lou:
Posted by Mr. Lou | February 17, 2009 1:17 PM

@Biatch what kind of advice is that you are so more than just a b*tch what she did was wrong and can even cost her to loose her life because she don't know what the guy will do after shi cut so far him seems to do a lot for her and now she got what she wanted she's ready to turn her back on the hands who feed her.

true star:
Posted by true star | February 17, 2009 1:28 PM

my gurl yuh never need fi write to proppa fix all yuh have to did do is continue planning how you going to hide form the dude because I know he will surely hunt you down, but overall you are being b*tchy

Posted by meleon | February 17, 2009 1:30 PM


Posted by Thuggy | February 17, 2009 1:54 PM

this gal yah diss ghetto man big time mi can't believe she talked of the guy like that suppose shi did white guh weh dutty gal a whish mi did know a who and guh let him know about your letter

Posted by Rica | February 17, 2009 2:02 PM

Well as far as what I see there is no love but wait where is his baby mother? or wife? or his real woman? maybe she is a side girl because as far as I can read it never really say that she was his real woman so if she is on the side can't blame her then cause some big man love young girls to make them look and feel young, young girl yuh want young girl you get, yes mon tek it. On the other hand if she his is right woman please have your coffin and will make up because lots of men cannot take the break-up easier said then done. So little Miss if you don't want him don't take anything from him anymore. But maybe he is buying your love and you need Victoria secret etc. Boy it hard for me I would not care what job as long as he is not stealing is the treatment, cause it tuff times.

Posted by Protina | February 17, 2009 2:16 PM

Girl u knw how much woman want a man fi spend pon dem and u have one and wanna give it away for no reason


Posted by Tamara | February 17, 2009 2:25 PM

I know what she is talking about! GHETTO MEN ARE SO ILLITERATE AND STUPID! YOU CAN NEVER HOLD A GOOD CONVERSATION with a ghettoman because they don´t know what you are talking about and they think they are sooo smart but in fact the do not have ANY reasonability or common sense at all!! Everybody knows this!!

Posted by Tamara | February 17, 2009 2:28 PM

The only thing GHETTO MEN are good at is to sack pum pum, at least the 2 I've been with..

Ghetto Star:
Posted by Ghetto Star | February 17, 2009 2:55 PM

look at this di man could have been saving his money to move out o fthe ghetto and this gal come spend off the man house money and now she planning to left di mna alone inna di slum that is why mi careful who mi talk to because some of these gal born witch. A Nuff youth live uptown and mi know seh most a dem not going to be rich like me

Posted by camille | February 17, 2009 3:03 PM

Whether he is ghetto or not she is using him for financial reasons. But remember what goes around comes around. its only a matter of time

mr. daggerah:
Posted by mr. daggerah | February 17, 2009 3:07 PM

even a little baby could have given her advise on this matter stop using di man but guess what it's already too late is a pity him is from di ghetto might nuh have no computer so him nuh know about outaroad because mi know if him si this him must know seh a him a only hope someone who know him and you can pick sense out of nonsense and guh tell him mek him

Posted by carl | February 17, 2009 3:19 PM

dis gal want a man beat har like chris brown batta bruise rihanna face badly

Posted by Jae_Bee | February 17, 2009 3:22 PM

i'm practically repeating what everybody is saying... she a use the man!! and wat goes around comes around fi real , cauz she think she nah go need d free bus ride and the little change when she left skool she a hype,u might left the man and nuh get nuh job and a him u go have to beg a ride a some pocket money ...... but anyway "miss too -good- for- the -ghetto -man".

Posted by reggie_23 | February 17, 2009 3:34 PM

mi have no problem with what she want to do but what I have a problem is that she really think she is way better than the man so why take is money then if he's a loser why not teach him to be someone that is why him send you to teachers college

Posted by Toni | February 17, 2009 3:49 PM

U find a man that a tek care of u and u can't be GRATEFUL.. If a me like that man deh, I woulda run u SO FAST cause u is nothing but a user.... Gwan watch what him look like, and how him can't speak as u put it, gwan and see way that put u! U ever hear say what goes around comes back around? Just look fi ur's..... U really disgusting fi true! Remember this golddigger, 'Donkey never know the use of him tail til him lose it'...

Posted by Nelly | February 17, 2009 3:52 PM

question: if she is sleep with him and he is giving her money, is that consider using?

Posted by Tomica | February 17, 2009 3:52 PM

The behavior of this young thang seems so common in JA but I blame the system. Think about it! The Jamaican system does not give these young people the appropriate options such as proper tuition financial aid and job opportunities. Sadly, there are many older Jamaican women who continue to do exactly what this young lady is doing to this man. It's really sad that these young people have to deal with situations like this.

Posted by preps | February 17, 2009 4:22 PM

It is very obvious that the young lady is A USER. But girl please remember this; "KARMA IS A B*TCH".
Its her final year at Teachers college so i guess now is THE RIGHT TIME to kick him to the curb. She is a Real B*TCH in training!!!

Posted by silencer | February 17, 2009 4:31 PM

i bet this girl swallow this guy's cumm and all take d*ck inna har b*tty fi dem breed ah money deh weh shi get and she acting like she is better than him who is she foolin di man dawb out di pumpum suh if she claims she better than him why is she even in his presence

Posted by Toni | February 17, 2009 5:49 PM

@Tomica... Stop single out JAMAICAN WOMEN, why uno love do that so?.... It deh all over, a long time woman a use man fi them personally gain.. It has nothing to do with the country it has to do with the wicked gal them...

Posted by Anonymous | February 17, 2009 7:23 PM

first these two shouldn't have been in a relationship in the first place. what is this 38 year old man doing messing with this young girl he got what he deserve, all these bus drivers( older men) messing with these school girls using them for sex, the table had to turn with the young girl using this guy for money. As for the girl treat people how you want to be treated, some men are the most educated and are no better interms of how they treat their women, they cheat and abuse their women just as much as a poor uneducated guy would. so think that becasue he's from the ghetto and he speaks badly that your going to find a man that is going treat u better in the future.

Tacious is a GOOD LOOK:
Posted by Tacious is a GOOD LOOK | February 17, 2009 9:59 PM

HOLLA @ Meleon, Toni and the rest

First I would just like to ask why so many 18/19 girls are dating men thats old enough to be their's not cute and it needs to stop.

Anyway to the issue at hand..
AW, you are only using this fellow to get ahead. If you knew you don't see yourself with him, why waste your time and his money? And it is so funny that you are finding the WEAKEST AND LAMEST excuse as to why he is not your type....STANDARD ENGLISH?! Bitch you are in JAMAICA the first DIALECT is PATOIS!
And for CRYING OUT LOUD, if your learning to become a teacher...the least you can do is HELP HIM IMPROVE HIS ENGLISH!

Now I believe that if your not happy in a relationship then by all means you should get out...HOWEVER, in this case the least you can do is stay and APPRECIATE what this man has done for you. You are ungrateful and selfish and this man should not have invested so much money in you especially if your not even going to stay with him. Terrible bitch you are.
And from the looks of the grammatical errors in your letter, I say he wasted his money on you.

Posted by Tomica | February 18, 2009 9:02 AM

@Toni, I was not trying to single out Jamaican women and trust I am fully aware that women of all countries participate in such behaviors. I am a Jamaican woman who call it how how I see it, sorry if I was offensive in any way!

Posted by himaeediat | February 18, 2009 9:26 AM

A better mi send mi likkle sister or one a mi cousin dem go college before some gyal outta road cause mi know fi sure that they would appreciate it and in turn help me out. is like an investment. some man a eediat still. but one joke. how di frig she a criticize di man bout him English when her grammar so f**kin bad.

Posted by Can | February 18, 2009 9:51 AM

Listen my girl, stop watch what people going to say and love the person that loves you. I know all about the whole 'standard' situation, but sometimes you deh wid your 'standard' & is pure stress. He takes care of you, which means he likes you & you like him, so it sounds to me that you are more concerned about what will happen when you bring him to your friends/family. Know this, they might chat u bcuz yuh man loud & talk patois but in their hearts they might be jealous as hell cuz the men they have, while meeting the 'standard', nah lift a finger to help them. So give dem a chance an see if dem nuh tek weh yuh man from yuh. I have a family friend, who headed one of the biggest financial institutions in JA. She dated all the 'right standard' men & was the most unhappy person until she met & quickly married a man, who most in our society consider below her standard. U know why? She said he completes her, he made her feel like noone else. Couple kids later she still very happy. Mi nah seh u fi talk to a stregeh, but u better recognise a good thing when u see it.

Posted by WANDA23 | February 18, 2009 10:25 AM

I went to teachers' college with a lot of girls like you who felt it necessary to maintain relationships with older men who provided financial support. And those appeared to mutually beneficial.

However, I feel quite saddened at the fact that you use the excuse of him being uneducated. I would take an uneducated 'ghetto' man who loves me than an uptown arse any day. A degree does not give you values!

As a future teacher who will need to encourage 'ghetto' children to achieve, how can you justify your actions? Are you ashamed? Why don't you encourage him to further develop his eucation rather than throw him to the curb?

My sister, who has a MA in Business, has been dating a fella who only has GCSES but she loves him. She's even encouraged him to go back to school and gain further qualifications because that is what you do in a relationship. He sounds as if he cares a lot for you.

It is girls like you who make men behave the way they do with other women.

Posted by innocent | February 18, 2009 10:54 AM

him gramma bad but him h o o d in har puzzy speak properly?

shes above his standard but hes label'd as har bonified man?

him drive bus & she go teachers college?

him a 38 & she a 19?

whats wrong with this story?


Posted by yumisha | February 18, 2009 11:16 AM

you come like yu nuh 2 righted yaah you say he not ur standard? but what about u.. u a sleep wid a man who you consider a eediat so what does that make u .. a BiT*h... n nuff good things come outa di ghetto my gurl so u nuh fi clown ghetto people like dat u nuh hear wah perfect seh no man (or woman lol) nu better than no man. stop gwaan like you a cut above di rest ca u a sleep wid di man fi money dat makes u a Wh*re atleast that man a make a honest living.. think about it

Posted by BROOKLYN | February 18, 2009 4:33 PM


Posted by M | February 18, 2009 4:34 PM

It's amazing how you AW claim this fellow knows nothings about standard english, when in fact you seem to need some lesson on it yourself. It's sad that when u a tek the money u neva memba say him deh below your standard. Memba say teachers don't get paid that well, so a might the man weh deh below ur standard u affi run back to. Honestly u make me sick.

My man never finish high school but i did. He never attend university i did (a prestigious one to). But i will never leave him and i will never say that he is below my standard because he has the qualities of a real man.

Stay deh a hope u fine a man weh a ur standard or above memba a dem man deh all a sh*t inna unno mouth. Good luck on ur quest.

Posted by TEE | February 18, 2009 4:43 PM

Typical of most Jamaican woman f**king user

real killa:
Posted by real killa | February 18, 2009 6:07 PM

Tamara yuh one a dem tek man money then turn round call them stupid, but the stupid money man mek yuh vagina cum quick. all that young girl a tell me that a tek some tooothpaste n
rub it pon di rocket nozzle n dip it inna har luanch pad n mek it burn out har wasp nest. then tell har sey a me mr. f**ked up.

Posted by Butterfly | February 18, 2009 11:59 PM

Wanda gal thumbs up to that.

I went to Teacher's College and my significant other didn't attend any form of college but, he has all the qualities that is certainly lacking in many college/university graduates. U my dear, are a prime example of what's lacking and a fine specimen of why good women with qualities meet it hard with men. At the end of the day, he has more class than u will ever subscribe to having.

Posted by Anonymous | February 19, 2009 8:35 AM

hello people i just want to say that u play with fire u will get burn de man a spend pon you and u think him below your standard his money should below your standard too just pray that man dont kill you when him find out wa you a do you wicked and u going to need that man one day when u face the real world, dem young boy your age a just pussy dem want and when dem tired of your pussy dem gone to the next one so u better wise up cause time hard and to everyone saying she is too young she old enough to know what she was getting into...

Posted by Bonita | February 19, 2009 9:29 AM

my girl, you don't relly love that man cause if you did all this ghetto talk wouldn't trouble you.... Are u a uptown girl??? i think not cause if u were u wouldn't need a big man to mind u.I am a Bilingual Secretary and my man is a taxi driver and we get along great i speak three different languages he chat only so call english and that doesn't stop me from loving him... so my girl i think u should leave this man cause ur not getting hurt but ur hurting him by not loving him.

Posted by diomondeyes | February 19, 2009 6:13 PM

This girl claim that she is in teachers college and think she is better and more intelligent than this guy, and she does not know the differnce between or and are. You should look at yourself before you down-grade other people. He was good enough for you when you needed his help financially but not good enough for you now because you have your education, YOU ARE SUCH AN A*S H*LE!

Posted by AMBERGRIS | February 19, 2009 6:26 PM

That's why men kill unno r*ss!! Him neva too ghetto for you when he was helping you financially - but all of a usdden he is "below" you. Women like you give decent women bad name. You think you have arrived because you are graduating from teacher's college. If you were a caring person all you had to do is sit him down and talk to him try and teach him a little culture and in the process refine him. Sometimes you are not going to get all you want in a man - but most women who have sense always bring the man how dem want dem. Is a uptown man you want now because you dun school. The bus driva too local fi you. Gwaan tink all that glitters is gold. You might get the nice "wel spoken uptown soft man and dem treat you like shit and beat out you caka hole.

Tacious is a GOOD LOOK:
Posted by Tacious is a GOOD LOOK | February 19, 2009 10:43 PM

I laugh if this broad doesn't even get a damn job once she graduates.

Posted by Anonymous | February 23, 2009 8:47 AM


Posted by Pattilus | February 23, 2009 9:42 AM

No wonder he does not have a good command of the English Language. She is studying to be a teacher but can't write English herself. She wrote,"I’m too good for him are he is below my standard." it should be or(conjunction)and not are(2nd per. sing. verb)and also,"he work has a bus driver" it should be as(adverb)and not has(3rd per.sing. verb).
She need fi go continue school and come out a di romping shop.

Posted by dea | February 23, 2009 1:04 PM

how can you say you are going to teachers college and your grammar is so bad, what i suggest is that you go back to primary school ok.

Posted by Goldflow | February 24, 2009 2:50 AM

Yuh di fried rice gal yuh no fit getta away,na moni u like nah di man old dick p*$$y.

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